The Self Under Seige 1

I sit here thinking of all those years

That I told myself I amount to nothing

The time I spent telling all those lies

Jus coz I was afraid to look beyond the walls

Just follow the herd, and you will be happy

I said to myself, not listening to what my heart was trying to telling me

I wonder now why I’d do that to myself

For me, I am the best friend that everyone else has got

I cheer, I believe, I tell people that they are winners

And yet I did that terrible thing to myself for years and years

I was scared , I doubted , I wilted

I stammered when it mattered

I told myself I am too weak

Not tough enough to pursue those dreams.

I wouldn’t start , for I feared it wouldn’t end well

I wouldn’t talk, for I feared I sounded dumb

I wouldn’t dance for I feared I would misstep

I wouldn’t write for I feared words won’t show up

I Stand here thinking about all those things I hadn’t done.

Wondering where all my gifts went, if I even had one.

Once came a blow, ‘n i couldn't take it anymore

I just had to push, as I hard as I could

Out of that cocoon, That was there to protect me

But now over the years it had started to choke me

Look around at this beautiful world,

Where you can be what YOU want to be

There are no judgements, no hatred

No competition and not a worry in the world

Yes they exist if you go look for them

Yet they all go away when you shut the door on them.

I started to look around., my head held high

Only to realise there is a pretence in everyone else too.

They are great and strong, or charm and witty

No doubt they have done things that truly amaze me

But all of them had a side that’s hidden from the world

often not so pretty and tiresome to say the least

They all doubt, they all fear , they all feel lazy.

And Yet they move,

they dance, they write, they show up like a champ

When they do that over and over again,

They give to the world, their perfect little gift!

How I wanna scream at the top of my voice , so my younger self can hear me cry.

There is so much that I can do, before those beautiful years would Pass by

Such a shame to waste of that time

worrying what others would think of me.

All that should matter is how I feel

when I make someone’s day and make them smile.

I am not gonna be here forever , though I wish the other way.

So all it matters is I tell the world , all the things I wanna say.

No matter how shallow , how silly , or tedious it may be.

Am not wasting another day, where I let my fears take over me.

Some say I have got all figured out

Truth is, I have got no clue

But One thing’s for sure & that ain’t changing

I am done with waiting for for my perfect stroke of luck

I will show up and do so everyday

Do things that scare me, and master them along the way.